On Healing, Identity, Creativity, and Feeling Like Your Skin Is Peeling Off
Lately, healing feels less like becoming a butterfly…
…and more like skin peeling away.
Raw. Tender. Exposed.
Like layer after layer of who I thought I was—or who I was taught to be—is slowly coming off, exposing nerve endings underneath that were never supposed to see light.
And honestly?
It’s exhausting.
I Thought Healing Would Feel More Peaceful
I think somewhere along the way, I imagined healing would feel empowering all the time.
Like clarity.
Like freedom.
Like becoming lighter.
And sometimes it does.
But other times?
It feels like grief.
Like confusion.
Like realizing how much of your life was spent surviving instead of fully living.
Healing Has Made Me Feel More Sensitive, Not Less
That part surprised me.
I thought healing would make me tougher.
Instead, I feel like everything touches me more deeply now.
Music.
Memories.
My children growing.
Conflict.
Art.
Loss.
Beauty.
Even joy feels sharper somehow.
Like my nervous system is relearning what it means to actually feel instead of just function.
Sometimes I Wonder if Healing Ever Ends
Does it?
Or do we just become more aware?
More honest?
More willing to sit with ourselves?
I genuinely don’t know.
Because every time I think I’ve worked through something…
another layer appears underneath.
Another belief.
Another wound.
Another pattern.
Another version of myself asking to be understood.
I Want to Become for Me
That’s the biggest shift happening inside me right now.
For so much of my life, I think I was becoming for:
- acceptance
- safety
- achievement
- belonging
- approval
- survival
And now?
I want to become for me.
Not because I’m trying to prove something.
Not because I’m trying to earn worthiness.
But because I want to feel alive in my own life.
I Want to Create for Me Too
Not just what performs well.
Not just what’s expected.
Not just what looks polished online.
I want to create things that feel honest.
Things that feel like:
- grief
- healing
- tenderness
- motherhood
- memory
- becoming
- complexity
I want to make art that says:
“You survived. But more importantly… you’re learning how to live.”
I Think a Lot About the Person I’m Becoming
Not in a productivity way.
In a soul way.
Who am I when the performance falls away?
Who am I when I stop trying to fit into every expectation handed to me?
Who am I underneath the coping mechanisms?
Underneath the fear?
Underneath the need to constantly prove myself?
I don’t fully know yet.
But I think that’s what this season is.
Healing Is Not Linear
Some days I feel:
- hopeful
- creative
- inspired
- deeply connected to myself
And other days?
I feel cracked open.
Like every unresolved thing in my life is sitting at the surface waiting for attention.
It’s tiring.
And yet…
I don’t want to go backward either.
Because once you start seeing yourself clearly, it becomes hard to unknow what you know.
Maybe Healing Isn’t About Becoming Perfect
Maybe it’s about becoming honest.
About learning how to:
- stay
- soften
- feel
- create
- rest
- reconnect
- forgive yourself for being human
Maybe healing is less about “fixing” yourself…
and more about finally allowing yourself to exist fully.
I Think This Is Why I’m Drawn to Storytelling Photography
Because I don’t want perfect images anymore.
I want honest ones.
Images that hold:
- contradiction
- resilience
- softness
- exhaustion
- hope
- history
I want to photograph the people who are becoming too.
The cycle breakers.
The feelers.
The people rebuilding themselves quietly.
Because I think we recognize each other.
If You’re Exhausted Too…
I get it.
Truly.
There’s something incredibly tiring about carrying your past while simultaneously trying to build a healthier future.
Especially while raising children.
Building dreams.
Trying to heal relationships.
Trying to heal yourself.
Some days it feels beautiful.
Some days it feels unbearably heavy.
Most days it feels like both.
But I Think There’s Something Sacred in the Becoming
Even when it hurts.
Even when it’s messy.
Even when it feels like your skin is peeling away and exposing parts of yourself you didn’t know were still wounded.
Because underneath all of that…
Maybe there’s finally room for you to exist as yourself.
Not who you had to be.
Who you actually are.
About Alabaster Photos
Alabaster Photos is a storytelling-focused photography experience based in downtown New Richmond, Wisconsin, serving families and mothers throughout the St. Croix Valley.
📸 Family, motherhood, maternity, and storytelling photography
🤍 Emotionally honest imagery rooted in connection and healing
📍 Serving New Richmond, Hudson, Baldwin, River Falls, and surrounding Wisconsin communities
